Welcome to my blog, tonight I feel like it’s even more of a mess of things that do not fit together than usually.

My insecurities are back in high season and decide to put me into physical pain, at least I think it all connects, it’s ruining everything.

where can I sign out of this?

I really wish somebody would understand how I feel, all of a sudden.

And I really wish I could talk about how I feel or give reasons and explain them, but I can’t.

…it all plans itself out in your head.

I know it’s not even close to Christmas yet, but there is gingerbread all over the stores already and I would really get my wishlist out as soon as possible. Just to make sure it reaches you before you’re too busy reading letters of little brats.

I’m not saying I’ve been the best person on this planet, no, but my wishes aren’t any fancy toys that cost a fortune. You don’t even have to bring me a new car, I promise to take the train and bus for the rest of my life or I would even walk.

All I wish for Santa, is to be happy. That’s not too much, right? Of course, it may come with a new face, a skinny and pretty body, a beautiful and untroubled mind, leaving me to be a talented person, a new home somewhere else than this country, a new start, preferable make me the perfect skinny guy, but girl is fine too, I don’t want to ask for too much, right?

So Santa, I never really wished for anything of you before, but I’m really serious here. So if you’re not able to get that right, you better hit me right in the head with your reindeers.

xx

Just cause you can’t see it, doesn’t mean there is no struggle.