I was sitting here for the past ten or fifteen minutes, thinking that I should really get up and get dressed.
1: Peanut butter
2: Sore muscles
3. Having clear pee
5. Health food shopping
6. Getting up early for breakfast
Why I’ll probably never be a ‘Fitblr’.
And why I have twisted feelings about all this.
1. Peanut butter -
Yay! Who doesn’t love peanut butter! But when exactly did peanut butter go into the healthy food category? Maybe it’s just my weird relationship to food and categorising peanut butter right next to Nutella, and dear, I do love Nutella. Even if I have been eating disgustingly since I’ve been sick, Nutella and peanut butter was still on my no-no list. Cause they come in glasses and if you get one, this glass has to be emptied or it would go to waste. No, no, no lovely, you’re not getting me into that trap, cause that’s not only one day screwing up, it’s like…a whole week of stuffing myself with either of them if I’m losing it. Maybe peanut butter would be a reason to vote for being a ‘Fitblr’…hmmm.
2. Sore muscles -
I get where you are coming from, you worked out, you moved, you did something and you feel it YAY! Honestly, doing something is all great, really. Go outside and run for kilometers! I’d probably die at the next corner, but don’t mind me, just leave me lying there and RUN FOREST RUN! I’d understand if this says ‘Working your muscles’ or ‘Working out’ or something like that. But you really run around on the next day thinking: I ENJOY MY SORE MUSCLES SO MUCH, I CAN’T EVEN TELL! …My thoughts are rather: I walk like a penguin who just shit itself, my legs hurt, my arms hurt, you want me to lift up that package and carry it over there?! Hahahha…nice joke, not. Are you crazy?! Also people like to laugh at you when you walk around like said penguin. Nah, I just don’t feel like the sore muscles and me are going to get to second base.
3. Having clear pee -
This cracked me up so much at first. Like you really enjoy your pee? Do you want to take it out for dinner? Do you tell it how appreciated it is? Do you sit there in the morning having a look at it for a while going ‘Thank you for being so clear’? I know it’s all about drinking enough, but..it’s just like the muscles, I feel like ‘I enjoy keeping myself hydrated and drinking enough water each day’ sounds better than ‘I enjoy pee’ , this might give you weird looks or people think you’re having a fetish or something like that. If it’s really more about the pee though, then HALLELUJAH!
4. Sweat -
This is is just the same again, you sweat, yay your body noticed you’re working it / working out. That’s good, really, keep going. (I wish I had that much motivation for myself and my body would feel like that too - anyways) So we get it now, I think I got the clue at the ‘Fitblrs’ name, but I enjoy showers or taking long baths. It’s good to know your workout might really WORK OUT, oh what a pun, but then I enjoy the smell of…well not sweat. I think the guy next to you on the bus would like if you’d enjoy the shower after the work out more than the sweat itself too.
5. Health food shopping -
Ok this is just me, because food stresses me out no matter if I could use a shovel to fill it in my self or if I decide to just skip around, but shopping it can be so nasty. Yes, yes, the vegetable and fruits parts of groceries are really nice. They look nice too. But the stores are mostly full, people shove you with their carts if you stand there for a little longer, deciding what you wanna take, or they give you weird looks, then might decide your cart looks nicer than theirs and take it (this usually happens when you have candy in your cart though, or it’s really full already) I feel like some people run through the stores thinking ‘Oh, who has nearly what I wanted to buy in their cart, oh this guy over there, let’s wait till he leaves it alone for a second, muahahah’. So no, shopping, no matter what kind of food isn’t my favourite pastime. Dammit, I really never going to get this right, right?
6. Getting up early for breakfast -
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH, wait, you’re serious about this? Ughhh. I take every second of sleep that I can get, because usually it isn’t all too much. But I’ll try to explain, and yes I know I know breakfast is important ladidadidaaa. On a normal work day, if I get up earlier for a real, proper breakfast, with every little detail you can imagine and tea on top of it and a liter of water right away and what not, I’ll probably have to get up around 3 am. Depending on how I get to work, my alarm first goes off somewhen around 4 - 5 am. I am a zombie in the morning and I try to get everything as done as quick as possible to get another five minutes of sleep. Which mostly ends in me rushing to the train - me rushing to the car - me driving too fast and me missing the train. Also, I’d wake up the people around me and they’d be grumpy and the most important thing. IF I get up early and eat a super awesome breakfast, I’ll probably feel so sick that I’ll go straight back to bed instead of going to work. Eating right after getting up does the funniest things to my stomach…not.
Don’t get me wrong, I do not try to offend anyone with this, this post has been on my mind for the past hours and it just made me realise I’ll probably be never one of the super healthy people, cause some of these….just don’t work too well with my head / life / mind / body / routine / whaddevaaah. I just, really…really…felt the need to write some of my thoughts down.
I know it’s not even close to Christmas yet, but there is gingerbread all over the stores already and I would really get my wishlist out as soon as possible. Just to make sure it reaches you before you’re too busy reading letters of little brats.
I’m not saying I’ve been the best person on this planet, no, but my wishes aren’t any fancy toys that cost a fortune. You don’t even have to bring me a new car, I promise to take the train and bus for the rest of my life or I would even walk.
All I wish for Santa, is to be happy. That’s not too much, right? Of course, it may come with a new face, a skinny and pretty body, a beautiful and untroubled mind, leaving me to be a talented person, a new home somewhere else than this country, a new start, preferable make me the perfect skinny guy, but girl is fine too, I don’t want to ask for too much, right?
So Santa, I never really wished for anything of you before, but I’m really serious here. So if you’re not able to get that right, you better hit me right in the head with your reindeers.